beginnings

I could and possibly should write about the entire first month of being in Korea, but in all probability, I shouldn't... and that's a good enough reason to justify my desire not to.

I feel that I'm slipping into a good routine at work. I still mix up the middle school classes, I only know a handful of the students' names, but I'm pretty comfortable with the work. Last Friday, my second co-teacher asked me 20 minutes before leaving if I would take over his classes on Monday. Great! (seriously) It's funny that even just a few weeks of not being in charge, I already feel rusty at leading the students in a lesson. Plus, teaching here I hesitate to call actual teaching. I don't mean to be insulting to the school... it's probably a matter of adjusting to a school culture of auditory teaching and letting go of hands on/ active learning activities. I'll have to stay fresh with those by vicariously living through the teaching experiences of other teachers here.

We were warned many times about culture shock and its stages; a theory similar to that of grieving- and I really braced myself for the moment when my "honeymoon" stage ended and the bomb of shock would go off. But I don't know if I was ever in the honeymoon phase. Maybe because from all the warnings, I've been moving with caution. That's not to say I still didn't experience any culture shock, but I feel that it was more just the shock and horror of being torn away so suddenly from the people I knew. Now that day feels like a year ago, but I think the most isolating factor for me was that I don't think the faculty really understood what it felt like to be alone here in a new country. If the positions were switched, I don't think I would immediately consider those feelings. But YAY, that part is over!

Just over a month ago, I was on a plane, leaving home... Again, that feels like forever- yet I also feel like I haven't done anything here yet. My fear is that I'll somehow let my time slip away, and it'll be time for me to leave and I will have done and seen so little.

A darker note, I'm thankful for the people who came to Daejeon. They mostly all seem like a good crowd. My skeptical- well, cynical- mindset is still holding that caution sign up against everyone. Maybe it's my bad karma (considering what someone from home explained how she thought karma worked, it comes back to you in different ways) to not make friends easily, and have it be even harder to keep them (cue in you to think something may be seriously wrong with me- go ahead. think it). I might be too cautious, which would make me miss the window of making the connections. But I'm still torn I think between feeling that the risk is worth it and preserving my pride (and in turn remaining the loner). My good karma- should it exist-, I recently thought that it comes in the form of jobs. I've had great professional experiences, and I seem to always get the job I want. The trade off? Suck.

I love my faculty, I love the school, and the students are super cute. It's comforting to come here, and I'm grateful that everyone has been so welcoming. Now to learn everyone's names... and more Korean.