I will not become that type of person who grows resentful. I will not become a Korea hater. I will not hold grudges here. That being said, I'm gonna bitch for a minute. 


I think I'm going to refuse to feel guilty over being peeved at stupid things my co-teacher does. Like how this week, I've been annoyed at how he's been mocking the way my intonation and inflection in the 100 mp3s I made for him using the crappy reading excerpts in front of the class (seriously, 2 chapters down, 46 more to endure). Um. It's the way most English speakers talk. Today was particularly irritating because he kept playing on repeat a line,  because he thought the way I said it was hilarious. To which, he then mimics my recording by sounding like a chicken. Uh, yeah. Thanks. I made all those files for you because you asked. And just so you know- because you never have to slow down your speech for anyone- it can be difficult to speak slowly and pronounce words individually, so I mean. Duh. Sometimes it won't sound natural. Because it freaking isn't. The just of it is, I don't make fun of the way he says stuff in Korean or the way he butchers my native language. So really, it puts me off when he makes fun of the way I speak in my own language. Same goes for when he mocks me when I read in Korean (which he likes to make me do in front of the class- yeah, thanks jerk). 


Is this unjustified annoyance? Either way, I seriously need a break from my co-teacher. He's nice and all, but sometimes I want to punch him.

the week of wtf

So to end the week thoroughly annoyed, a Korean internet imprisonment security system that a teacher installed on my computer when I first arrived suddenly activated to do something without my consent, and cannot be removed without an effing password. I mean. WTF. What the freaking F. This computer is not school property, so don't go installing software on my computer that I have no control over! I don't understand why it took nearly a year for it to start acting up. Unless there's a third party in the school that can get to it through the internet system. In that case, I call bullsh*t.


Oh, you silly silly Koreans.

on old people

Gawker has an article re-posted from a blog, which briefly discussing the fact that some old Korean people actually beat or verbally harass others out of the seats that are meant to be priority for elderly, pregnant women, or people with disabilities. It concludes with the fact that usually in American subways, younger or better fit people will generally give up their seats for older people; a subtle implication that the Korean youth have no regard for the country's ancient population. But, living in Korea with a foreigner's perspective, I have to say that I can't blame anyone for not wanting to give up their seat to an old crotch who comes up and immediately starts demanding their spot. 

Old people cut in lines. Everywhere. It pisses me off, and I'm not going to accept this little aspect about Korea even though the culture-sensitive side of me feels obligated to. Efffffff that. Watch out if you're waiting for the bus because they strategize when to sneak up from behind and get in front, or they'll just outright shove you aside to get on first. Then it's a mad dash to any available seats. By a thin margin, I have more understanding for the buses, as the drivers are crazy and you either hang on for dear life or fly. I always have to fight the urge to mow them down when I'm at the door, and then an old broad squeezes in front. I mean... seriously? 


I've never seen anyone fight over seats in Daejeon or during my visits to Seoul- though if you're going to see it, the bigger cities are where to be. I was a witness to an ancient bitch trying to steal the chair from beneath a foreigner during the lantern parade. Repeatedly. I wanted to deck her. So I mean, if you're at home kind of appalled that younger Koreans are in the old people seats and not immediately giving them up, just imagine what you'd be inclined to do if someone with a scary wrinkly old face and little beady angry eyes hobbled over like Smeagol and then started yelling at you. Then, consider American old people. Usually, much more demure, polite, and thankful that you are going to give them your seat. Old Koreans- a lot of them- expect it. Bitches. 


Of course, there are the outliers who are (or do a good job pretending) surprised that someone is being so generous. And if you missed the link earlier, check out the article in it's original home HERE.

results of the speech contest

Alas, my student lost the speech contest. The middle school students were separated into 2 groups: A and B. A being those who haven't lived abroad, and B consisting of the ones who have. My student of course, was in B. 


Now. Why didn't he score higher? Because, as one of the people running the contest explained to me: had he used hand gestures and made eye contact with the audience, he would have earned more points. 


Just for the record, my student is blind. Needless to say, my co-teacher was livid, and vented in the car that they didn't understand people who are blind or have low vision. In this case, no- they didn't consider the reason why the student didn't use hand gestures or look more directly at the judges. 


I mean... seriously?


But otherwise, he did an excellent job.

understanding where the frustration comes from

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but not a lot of teachers speak English in my school beyond the 2 English teachers. And those who do don't know a lot, so communicating with my faculty is mostly absent or 없어요 as you could say it in Korean. Taking the student body as a whole (of the classes I see), the foreign language level is low. Really low. Like, many don't know what to say when I ask "how are you?", and that's something I always ask them. Beyond the one students who lived in the states for a number of years, there's one student who knows enough English to hold a pretty decent conversation, a high school 3rd grader who can speak about limited topics (do you like...?, American metal and rock music, and smack down wrestling, whatever that is). A very small number- like 2 or 3- of students can piece together a very sketchy exchange of question and answer, with me filling in what Korean I know to help. So it's common for there to be days when I don't really talk to anyone. That's frustrating in the professional setting. 

What makes me really want to pull out my hair and start a brawl sometimes is hearing my name being said among students and the co-teacher or between teachers in the office- a combination of my name and the words "foreigner" and "American" (said in Korean of course). I know those words well- we hear them called and exclaimed in the streets sometimes by kids so surprised to see someone not Korean in their territory. Maybe it's acceptable to discuss a person when they're present, but not actually include that person in the conversation here. But it makes me uncomfortable, and lately I'm hearing it more often. The students are asking questions, my co-teacher is answering, but isn't offering to translate anything for me. I know, I should probably inquire about it myself, but I'm passive and I don't want to come off as demanding or rude. Depending on the day, I either just shrug it off and say "TIK" (this is Korea, as started by a friend), or go home at 5 feeling uneasy and uncertain about how the faculty feels about me. 

It's easy to go with the thought, "dumb broads," but today what I always knew in a foggy way occurred to me explicitly. It's not the people I'm frustrated with, it's not the country. It's me. I'm frustrated with myself for not knowing how to effectively, or even remotely communicate with Koreans in their language. That because of this, I'm always in the dark about something- who am I kidding, about most everything- and it's going to be a long, slow, and difficult time getting to a point where I will be less oblivious to this world and leaning towards some degree of comprehension. 


I wonder sometimes as the Koreans are laughing about the foreigner in the room, if they understand the magnitude of what it means for me to be here. I left everything familiar, easy, and beloved to me half a world away. Thank GOD for foreigner friends.


And honestly, I doubt that most of what they say is menacing- they laugh and show shock at the smallest of anything. Reservations in the showing of amusement, surprise, and disgruntlement seem to be lower here. I freaked some teachers out last week because I had a 3/4 length sleeve sweater on and it was cold that morning. They laughed and discussed it for 10 minutes with me at my desk. If they want to be sly, they seriously need a new code word.

I get a sense of comfort from knowing that I'm frustrated at myself instead of Korea in those awkward moments of knowing that I'm being discussed. I don't want to hold negative feelings for this country, especially for the people I work with and teach. It would be due time for me to go back home when or more hopefully if that ever happens. 


In the meantime, I started studying Korean with a friend this week. We're aiming to replace the class that was canceled. He found a good textbook, and the grammar book I bought on my own is proving to be an excellent supplement or booster. I'm noticing that I'm understanding more of what I hear- ever so slightly- and that I'm also able to deduct what kind of context people are talking in if I don't understand the general idea. This will also be a good opportunity to discover all of the coffee shops in Eunhang Dong. 


Photos were taken using the Canon 30D I am purchasing from someone. See, mom? Totally worth it.

just 말해요

I'm volunteering my apartment for a Halloween pregame. I'll see how much I regret this, though it appears that maybe only 10 people will come. Much better than the 20 that showed up to someone else's place when we got our first paychecks. Monday the students should be coming back to school. I somehow managed to not get ahead in most of my work. I should've been planning for the high school classes I run. I do have a surplus of some teacher training chapters done (my opinion is that the work book SUCKS, but I finally smartened up and am trying to create games that use concepts), and I'm about halfway done with typing example essays for an English writing contest for a blind student. Thank you FML, the Frisky, and eonline for helping me be useless this week! 


And wow, do I want to burn that book. One topic is asking if students think there should be more male teachers in schools than there are and why. The general consensus is that yes, there should be more men because they can teach subjects that women can't. Like discipline. Man oh man, do I have a lot of problems with this, but I'm trying to exercise patience and understand that these are ESL students from another culture- another world sometimes- and that their real meaning in some places may be getting lost in translation. 


I still want to pull out my hair. Or theirs. First- discipline is not the best approach as it is, even if beating students is still legal here. Pleasepleaseplease ask yourself how you can manage students' behavior. Yes, this is a glorified way of saying behavior manipulation- the less you have to threat a student the better for all parties, I think. And the obvious point that gender doesn't automatically make you better at something doesn't even need to be elaborated on. 


OK, I can't get over it. I can barely type these damn essays, they just piss me off so much. 
Though this following statement, I didn't know if I felt like laughing or screaming:
"Moreover, if students are able to experience only with female students (really means teachers I think), there is a good chance for boys to get too girly."
So, with overexposure to women, boys run the risk of turning gay/effeminate. gotcha. well in that case, bring in the men! But then won't the girls turn butch?


I miss stupid places like Wal-mart and Target. I reaaaaally miss Martin's/ Giant food stores. I'm dying for a Banana Republic, and after reading an fml about someone in Old Navy- a trip there would be fab, too. Oh the places I would go. 


Last note- I've been curious about Paranormal Activity, with it's reviews of being the scariest movie in a long time. I've seen the trailer once with the sound muted. I also spoiled it for myself and read a synopsis. That said, I've scared myself awake 3 times because I started thinking about the ending in my sleep. (photo from /film)