the pull from home

I signed a contract with the Dajeon MOE last week, and instead of the refreshing, reassuring feeling that should come along with the knowledge that I am employed for the next year, I just feel kind of trapped. I'm a mix of happy that I can stay another year so I can travel more, learn Korean in a real class (here's hoping), have more time with the school I'm currently working at, and power save money for the next 14 months, and resigned to the fact that I am in fact staying abroad until 2011. I need to figure out something to keep the sped practices I learned and mildly practiced reasonably fresh. The only data collecting I do is recording reading speeds, but the speed checks are done in an inefficient way (it's how my co-teacher wants it, and the students will refuse to do it in the way for a more accurate speed). 


Lately I've been craving the opportunity to be in charge of my own class or students- in charge of the planning, the data, the IEPs (crazy, right?). All that work that comes with being a sped teacher in the states. I want it. I'm really longing for being able to make better established connections with students- done so much more easily if I could speak the same language. I am grateful for my time and future time in Korea that allows me to learn how to be comfortable in the classroom, in front of students, alone with students, and how to roll with the crazy that often accompanies everyday Korean school life. 


I think a lot of this downer period is coming from the fact that I know I'm going home in a month, and that I haven't left Daejeon in a long time. The mud festival somewhere in Korea is in a few weeks, then I leave for Virginia shortly after (yay!). There are whispers of going to Japan during Korea's Chuseok (totally down, up, and sideways for that- and I'm sure I've talked about this a few times before...), and once it no longer feels like I'm swimming through a hot tub, I'm hoping to start leaving the city more often. I mean, I've yet to see Busan, how pathetic is that? Have I also mentioned this? Evidence that I really do need to get out more often.


Daejeon's EPIK coordinator is getting ready to peace out and leave the dirty job to a woman who seems afraid of her new position- can't blame her with all us foreigners constantly complaining and questioning stuff. So the original coordinator has proposed to hire some EPIK teachers around the city to help filter through emails to lighten up the work load. Extra pay is planned. Hell yes, I have submitted my name into the candidate pool. And yes, I welcome any extra work to keep me busy while I am at work. It's much more fun to tool around on the internet when I know I have crap to do. 


Don't get me wrong here, I've really enjoyed my time in Korea so far, and I honestly do look forward to one more year. I appreciate the things that are weird to me, and the fact that there are things I think are funky. I appreciate the similarities, the people, the lifestyle I'm allowed to have here. I also recognize that I will always be a visitor in a foreign country, and I am not the personality that can re-root into foreign places. My home is USA, and living abroad has also helped me cultivate that cheesy sense of patriotic pride for my home country- hot messes and all. 


In the meantime, I can look forward to re-meeting my freakishly adorable nephew, reunions with the girls from my graduate program and college friends, PLAYING WITH MY DOG!!!, hanging out with mom and dad <3 <3. 


And also turkey meatloaf. Stop gagging, it's freaking delicious.